| 13 January 2009
Theo Epstein and the Red Sox have taken a unique approach to building the 2009 squad this offseason. Rather than handing out hundreds of thousands of dollars to the top free agents on the market, the Red Sox have chosen to sign a number of previously injured players with a history of success in the hopes that they will bounce back and contribute in 2009.
It was a curious philosophy at first, but Bugs & Cranks found out that the Red Sox had one more trick up their sleeves: a time machine.
"We're optimistic about how Brad Penny and John Smoltz will perform in 2009," said Red Sox GM Theo Epstein. "However, if we could get 2007 Penny and Smoltz, not to mention 2007 Josh Beckett, we would have a formidable rotation that might even help us contend for the wildcard (if the Rays have a lot of injuries)."
Read the entire article here, but enjoy my favorite quotes below:
"How much would I love to run out the '96 Smoltz?" asked manager Terry Francona. "If this time machine works out the way we think, I'd advocate for bringing back Pedro cheap, then turning him into a hybrid -- 1999 pitching, 2004 jeri curl."
Rival teams' physicists have pointed out that the Sox' plans could have negative consequences for the space-time continuum, but Henry downplayed these concerns. "There's always a people whining about a space-time cap," said Henry. "The small-market teams who trade away players as soon as they get good are never in favor of time travel since everyone knows time is money."
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